Embrace La Luna

hey. so this is to you, er, me. i’m pretty sure no one will ever see this, and if they do, they probably won’t think much of it. 

point is, i’ve been thinking quite a bit about life. what i want out of it, what i’m supposed to do with it, how i’m wasting it, how boring it is, that sort of thing. i feel like there’s so much more i’m supposed to do, and yet, most of my days are spent … not doing. i’ve wasted so much of my life, and i hate it. i feel like i’m constantly being ‘inspired’ by whatever new thing is fascinating me on the internet, but i’m never actually doing anything. and i’m fed up. i feel like i start things all the time but never finish them, and it’s so freaking frustrating! i mean honestly, why do i do that? why can’t i just finish things? i have ideas, but i’m too… whatever… to actually implement them. how lame of a life is that? pretty lame. i have this attempt at a business that i’m pretty sure i’m going to destroy before it even gets off the ground if i don’t learn to be better. 

i really want to refocus, and start doing things that are actually good for me. i want to be so unsatisfied with my self-imposed status-quot that i actually start pushing for change. for fresh and new. for healthy. for successful. for prosperous. for fun. for adventure. for love. for friendship. for family that i actually care about. i’m tired of just the day to day, i don’t want to do this any more! 

i’m going to start limiting my internet time, i need to focus on being productive. for now, i’m limiting my non work related internet time to 3 hours a day. to wean myself off of it. and i’m going to start crossing unfinished projects off of lists, at *least* one thing every day. and no new stuff gets started until other things start getting finished. i hate living in an unfinished, unorganized, unbeautiful space, so it’s time to start making it a space i enjoy being in and feel creative and inspired it. 

and i’m going to start working on me, and taking care of me. i need to take care of myself. tired of the anxiety attacks? tired of not being able to shop for clothes wherever i want? then get off your butt and do something about it! you hate people who complain about something then do nothing to change it or make it better, don’t be one of those people. 

pick something nice to do for someone every day. doesn’t have to be hard, it could be leaving a random note for someone, really smiling at someone, complimenting someone, whatever. the world isn’t about you, and there are so many people who are worse off, so take at least a little bit of time to show kindness to someone. you know you need it, so other people do too.

it’s time to make a decision. choose to get to know God like he wants you to know him. i mean honestly, you’ve been raised in church your whole life, but it’s like you know nothing about him. are you going to be just like all the other kids you’ve grown up with who have turned away from God and are now a hot mess? that’s stupid. very very stupid. so please, be mature about this. it’s not like it is really going to hurt. nope, your flesh may be selfish and childish, but it won’t kill you. 

i only want what’s best. you have so many dreams about what you want out of life, and right now, you’re getting nowhere fast. 

xx